Subject: Sports » Hockey

Why is a puck called a puck? Because ‘dirty little bastard’ was taken.

Canadian hockey player

War is hell, but expansion is worse.

hockey coach

He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her.  I said: You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.

Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

He shortened my career having to chase him around the ice all the time.

Canadian ice hockey player & coach

I'd like to play Columbus. [of the International League]

American hockey player

I'd take five [former player] Milt Schmidts, put my grandmother in the nets and we'd beat any team.

Former NHL referee

We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital. 

Canadian hockey player

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player

Three years ago, I couldn't spell author. Now I am one.

Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator

The only way we could have, was to have shot him before the game started.

Canadian hockey player & coach

I'd trade Larry Murphy for a shaved monkey who could skate and a bucket of pucks.

The only way you can check Gretzky is to hit him when he is standing still singing the national anthem.

Boston Bruins general manager

I don't think you ever stopped Bobby Orr. You contained him.  He was too talented and too great a player.  When we played the Bruins and Bobby had to give up the puck it was a good play.

Canadian hockey player

No big deal. I just watched the game. I had the best seats of anyone in the crowd. It was awesome.

Czech hockey player

There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang.

Canadian hockey goaltender, politician, lawyer, businessman & author

Winning is always fun, but the car is more important.

Finnish hockey player

I’m really no different than anybody else; except that sometimes I get my name in the paper.

Canadian professional hockey player

Really, there are none. We traded him for a 10th round pick in a nine-round draft.

professional hockey player

If you keep your opposition on their ass, they don’t score goals.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

No, I don't fight anybody I played against in Juniors. I think everyone I played Juniors with is dead now.

Canadian hockey player & coach

Yes, the guy can score you 40 goals… what I don't want is him causing 60.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster
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