Subject: Sports » Hockey

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

(1966 – ) American journalist & novelist

How would you know, Sean? When I was playing you were in your 3rd year of 8th grade?

Canadian hockey player & commentator

He’s easy to do. Sit on the bench. Play about 10 minutes a game.

Czech hockey player

Why is a puck called a puck? Because ‘dirty little bastard’ was taken.

Canadian hockey player

We raced the other day and it wasn't a photo finish… it was an oil painting.

Canadian hockey player

He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.

Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs

I was kind of hoping it would straighten it out.

Canadian hockey player

Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records.

They say you're not a coach in the league till you've been fired. I must be getting pretty good.

Canadian hockey player & coach

Every time I see you naked I feel bad for your wife.

Czech hockey player

I only have one goal in each stick.

Czech ice hockey player

Watching a shootout is like admitting you watch  Survivor or search the internet for porn.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive

We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.

professional hockey player

Anytime you hold Dallas to a one touchdown, it's not all bad.

Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

Life is just a place where we spend time between games.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs… it’ll seem like forever.

hockey announcer

They're like two bulldogs eating lunch off a Brillo pad!

Canadian hockey player

I'd spend six months behind bars to have him on my team.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster

You can throw anything in our house, but we’ll just let it roll off our backs

War is hell, but expansion is worse.

hockey coach

All hockey players are bilingual; they know English and profanity.

(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player

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