Subject: Success

Authors want their names down in history; I want to keep the smoke coming out of the chimney.

(1918 – 2006) American writer

Success for some people, depends on becoming well-known; for others, it depends on never being found out.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.


[Fame] makes you feel permanently like a girl walking past construction workers.

(1963 – ) American actor & film producer

I don't want to get so famous to where the guy who shoots me becomes famous.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

1. That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly 2. If at first you don’t succeed, you will never succeed.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is; I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

You can have it all; you just can’t have it all at once.

(1954 – ) American television host, actress, producer & philanthropist

The worst part of having success is to try finding someone who is happy for you.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian

Dirty blonde … I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I’d rather lose at pinochle than win at solitaire.

(1914 – 2011) American politician

In this world there are winners and losers – and, of course, ‘the others’, who comprise the majority.

(1967 – ) English comedian

If you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

(1913 – 1989) American radio, television, film & voice actor

Being a star has made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.

(1925 – 1990) American entertainer

Blessed is he who talks in circles, for he shall become a big wheel.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host