Subject: Things » Autos

Never buy a car that has a wick.

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor

What a stupid car – that's like having a Rolex clock radio.


Life is too short to own a German car.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”

When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately; I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

(1959 – ) American comedian

You might be a redneck if… you have a rag for a gas cap.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

1. If you can get to the faulty part, you won't have the tool to get it off. 2. If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it back ordered. 3. If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on… just make sure the car door is closed.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights and now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

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