Subject: Things » Autos (Page 10)

In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Autos Signs

When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite; green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the f**k did you get that banana at?'

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Things

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist
Autos Men People

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going?… I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Autos Fools Things