Subject: Things » Autos (Page 4)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

You might be a redneck if… you have a rag for a gas cap.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I locked my keys in the car the other day…. but it was alright, I was still inside.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The sun always shines between the visors.

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.