Subject: Things » Computers

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

To err is human… and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

There’s always one more bug.

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

The main reason I don’t cheat on my girlfriend is so I can go for a shower without taking my phone, laptop and iPad with me.

British comedian

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

(1931 – ) television newscaster

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers… are we all living in one created by someone in the future?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley LSD and UNIX; we don't believe this to be a coincidence.

American computer systems administrator

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