Subject: Things » Computers

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Socializing on the internet is to socializing, what reality TV is to reality.

(1961 – ) American playwright & screenwriter

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.

journalist, media executive & entrepreneur

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why?… the answer is one word: versions.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

As every parent of a small child knows, converting a large object into small fragments is considerably easier than the reverse process.

(1944 – ) American computer scientist

The main reason I don’t cheat on my girlfriend is so I can go for a shower without taking my phone, laptop and iPad with me.

British comedian

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Just tried to switch to Bing… Google was like, “You can, but it’d be a real shame if some of your old searches got out.”

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

To err is human… and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.