Subject: Things » Computers

To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley LSD and UNIX; we don't believe this to be a coincidence.

American computer systems administrator

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

Just tried to switch to Bing… Google was like, “You can, but it’d be a real shame if some of your old searches got out.”

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

As every parent of a small child knows, converting a large object into small fragments is considerably easier than the reverse process.

(1944 – ) American computer scientist

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I have one friend whose Facebook updates are exclusively complaining about Facebook.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why?… the answer is one word: versions.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer

To err is human… and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician

There is always one more bug.