Subject: Time

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

American business woman & magazine editor

Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

I just bought a microwave fireplace… you can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

I like to reminisce with people I don’t know… granted, it takes longer.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

If you have something to do and you put it off for long enough, the chances are someone else will do it for you.

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

We’ve been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

(1893 – 1978) American author

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The world gets better every day – then worse again in the evening.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

What happens when the future has come and gone?


The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

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