Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty; if that doesn’t work, the military will try renaming Iraq ‘Super Cancun.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Gloria: Ma, are you in some kind of trouble?

Edith: No, and I can’t tell you what it is!

(1923 – 2013) American actress

It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans; but this is our hill… and these are our beans!

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

It’s a well known hysterical fact: they gave ’em an inch of CzechosloWakia and they took Poland.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

You know, except for the kids and you being here, this is like a second honeymoon.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

Norm: I want something light and cold.

Carla: Sorry, it’s Diane’s day off.

(1948 – ) American actress

I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here… this is the War Room!

(1925 – 1980) British comedian & actor

Last will & tentacle

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Amanda: Why are you dressed like that? … Like you’re going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Wednesday: Wait.

(1980 – ) American actress

I took out an English teacher. That didn’t work out at all. I sent her a love letter… She corrected it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You’d think I was Lazarus rising from the bed.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

[Ray has hurt his back and is in bed with Debra]: I guess I am going to be out of commission for a while.

Debra Barone: I wouldn’t worry – it’s not like Van Gogh has lost his paint brush.

(1958 – ) American actress

Now I too can soar with the beagle.

(1971 – ) American actress

Why doncha get some chinkypuncture?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Dan Quayle is going around the country giving C students a bad name.

American comedian, writer, producer & actor

Boris: How many lovers do you have?

Sonja: In the mid-town area?

1946 – ) American film actress, director & producer

[Suzanne modeling a fur pull-over] Protestor: 50 animals died because of that coat!

Suzanne: Wanna make it 51?

(1956 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & author

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.


I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
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