Subject: Work

Officials make work for each other.

There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable.

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer

Authors want their names down in history; I want to keep the smoke coming out of the chimney.

(1918 – 2006) American writer

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

It was a tough gig; they had to wake me up to fire me.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

The more a recruit knows about a given subject, the better chance he has of being assigned to something else.

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

If you volunteer to do a task that nobody likes to do, you'll be expected to do it every time in the future.

The real reason I decided on show business was to avoid a day job.

(1963 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & director

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

… being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go… well, the very opposite applies with judges.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.