Subject: Work

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Dance like it hurts… love like you need money… work when people are watching.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

The relationionship of an agent to a publisher is that of a knife to a throat.

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes – make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.


Dinosaurs with Jobs

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – ) comedian & actor

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Masochism is a valuable job skill.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist

The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

(1922 – ) American economist

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman

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