Subject: Work

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are always funny.

It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.

(1806 – 1871) English mathematician

Critic: One who boasts of being “hard to please” because nobody tries to please him. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought “F**k it, I might as well start charging them.”

(1975 – ) English comedian

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Officials make work for each other.

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task will invariably protest that more resources are needed.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, “I wanna grow up and be a critic.”

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

(1940 – ) English politician

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

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