Subject: Work (Page 25)

What do you give a florist who is sick?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

My career must be slipping… this is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.

(1933 – ) English actor

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

(1921 – 1995) American comedian & actor

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

If I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

(1803 – 1857) English writer

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

It was a tough gig; they had to wake me up to fire me.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I’m too lazy to work and too scared to steal.

professional baseball player