Subject: Work (Page 3)

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Cosmologists are often in error, but never in doubt.

(1908 – 1968) Soviet physicist

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor

The faults of the burglar are qualities of the financier.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job – it's the start of a brand new series of three.

If you break 100, watch your golf; if you break 80, watch your business.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author