Subject: Work (Page 5)

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

 If you're a coach, NFL stands for "Not For Long."

professional football & TV commentator
Football Occupations Sports

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.

Murphy’s Laws Things Work

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.

(1946 – ) American stage & screen actress
Beliefs Communication Occupations Work

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.

Definitions Occupations Work

Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Success Work

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person – they will find an easier way to do it.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Work

Working at the Job center has to be a tense job… knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.


Occupations Work

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Education Occupations

The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Work

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

The Pope has come out and said that only 2 per cent of Catholic priests are paedophiles; unfortunately, that  2 per cent is their penis.

Canadian comedian
Occupations Work

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

Seven months ago I could give a single command and 541,000 people would immediately obey it; today I can’t get a plumber to come to my house.

(1934 – 2012) United States Army general
Occupations Success Work