Author: Anonymous

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

It's so flat you can look down the road and see the back of your head!

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

The United Nations is a good idea, but it’s a pity they have to have so many foreigners in it.

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

She looks better goin than comin!

The Animal Rescue Site