Author: Anonymous

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Twins: Infant replay.

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

“That’s price-fixing!” said Tom caustically.

What comes around, is all around.

“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.

A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Suntan: A pigment of your imagination.

That man is a real charmer, a regular Don Coyote.

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

They are crumbling at the seams.

Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

He's like a cat out of water

Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.