Author: Anonymous

You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Idle hands are the mother of invention.

Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

There’s nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Good punctuation means not to be late.

“I’m in the shower,” called out Tom barely audible.

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.