Author: Anonymous

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Makes the hair stand up on the edge of my seat

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Always remember: golf clubs don’t float.

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

She has a photogenic memory.

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

“2 bdrm furn w 5 appl”, said Tom aptly.

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Courtesy: Acceptable hypocrisy.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Below: Sing Bass.













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