Author: Anonymous

She's not wearing enough clothes to flag a hand car.

Survival of the fitness.

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

He reads like a fish.

The shit’s gonna hit the stick.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

I want to be sure we don't build ourselves a bag of worms.

Up a tree without a paddle

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

That will round out the triangle.

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Matrimony: The splice of life.

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

He's a pretty sharp cookie.

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