Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous
You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Tailors
When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.
Anonymous
Dating
Men
People
Sex
Women
Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Idle hands are the mother of invention.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Idleness
Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.
Anonymous
Communication
Speech
Applause
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Anonymous
Autos
Intelligence
Stupidity
Things
Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Honeymoon
Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Charity
Telemarketers
Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.
Anonymous
Boxing
Definitions
Sports
Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Speech
Gossip
There’s nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.
Anonymous
People
Teenagers
Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.
Anonymous
Definitions
Highbrow
Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Clothing
Definitions
Girdle
That e-mail was from Ann On.
Anonymous
Misspokements
A DJ reading an e-mail from “anon” (anonymous)
Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hallucination
Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Farmer
Good
punctuation
means not to be late.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Time
Punctuality
“I’m in the shower,” called out Tom barely audible.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
madam
“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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