Author: Anonymous

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Delivering her baby at home is the birthright of every woman.

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.

“Watch out for that broken glass!” she said sharply.

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.

You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!

About the only redeeming features of The Sweetest Thing is that for a few minutes of the film, Cameron Diaz cavorts around in her underwear, and also sings a song about penises… and even that’s not half as good as it sounds on paper.

“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

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