Author: Anonymous

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

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