Author: Anonymous

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.

I think the big guns will come to the boil.

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Archaeology is the science that proves you can’t keep a good man down.

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

If she was cast as Lady Godiva the horse would steal the show.

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

“That’s price-fixing!” said Tom caustically.

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

You could have knocked me over with a fender.

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

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