Author: Anonymous Page 158

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

He experienced some rectal breeding.

Malaprops

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

The greatest thing since sliced beer.

Mixed metaphors

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Situations

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

Crash courses for driver’s learner permits.

Mixed metaphors

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence