Author: Anonymous Page 2

Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.

Definitions

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Situations Things

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

An ideal mind is the devil's playground.

Misspokements

We'll rewind the calendar.

Mixed metaphors

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Activities Characteristics Exercise

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Definitions Money

Bus: A vehicle that has empty seats when going in the opposite direction.

Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Characteristics

Don't beat a dead horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops