Author: Anonymous Page 3

“Ein, zwei, drei, fünf,”” said Tom fearlessly.

Tom Swifties

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

Having one wife is called monotony.

Malaprops Marriage

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.

Expressions

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

He’s got more dollars than cents.

Expressions Intelligence

We're going to get locked into a corner.

Mixed metaphors

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

Never put all your eggs in one omelet.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He swept the rug under the carpet.

Mixed metaphors

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs