Author: Anonymous Page 4

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Their father is some kind of civil serpent.

Malaprops

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Communication Situations Speech

We are tipping the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

“Would you stop horsing around!” yelled Tom woefully.

Tom Swifties

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay