Author: Alfred E. Neuman

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Fools rush in… and get the best seats.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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