Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

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Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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