Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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