Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

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Money

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

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Activities Family Relationships

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

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Money People

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Body Situations

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

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America Government Places Politics

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

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People

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

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Intelligence

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money