Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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