Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

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Places

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Body Situations

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

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Government

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

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Communication Doctors Health

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

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Money

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body Fat