Author: Ambrose Bierce

Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Reparation: Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Novel: A short story padded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The covers of this book are too far apart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

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