Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Work

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Crime

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Health Reading/Writing

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
America Conflict Places War

Allen S. Sothoron pitched his initials off yesterday.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Communication

Although it is a far cry from there to here, he laughed all the way.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions Laughter Situations

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Food/Drink

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations

An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Insults

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Language

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions

It arrived by first-class mail in second-class condition.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
People

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics

The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Situations

How much would you charge to haunt a house?

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Communication