Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

How much would you charge to haunt a house?

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It arrived by first-class mail in second-class condition.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Although it is a far cry from there to here, he laughed all the way.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Allen S. Sothoron pitched his initials off yesterday.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He was so ugly, the last time I saw him he was the top of a totem pole in Seattle.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

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