Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

It arrived by first-class mail in second-class condition.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

There was larceny in his heart, but his legs were honest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He was so ugly, the last time I saw him he was the top of a totem pole in Seattle.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

How much would you charge to haunt a house?

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Allen S. Sothoron pitched his initials off yesterday.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
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