Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

Although it is a far cry from there to here, he laughed all the way.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It arrived by first-class mail in second-class condition.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The ladies looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist