Author: Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful… I like mine barbecued.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

My parents were English; we were too poor to be British.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Carter wants to go to Washington; he'll feel right at home there – he was raised on a nut farm.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I’m from Los Angeles… I don’t trust any air I can’t see.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

You can tell he used to be a rancher; he squeezes Republicans like he's milking a cow.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
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