Author: Bob Hope

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Surprise me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Don't let her fool you; tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor













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