Author: Bob Hope Page 3

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Entertainment Film Opinion

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money Poverty

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Football Sports

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Taxes Wealth

I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dance Entertainment Relationships

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

At least he can’t cheat on his score because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

I feel very humble; but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics

I was happy when I fist heard Ronald Reagan was running for the presidency; I’ve always thought, once you’re in show business you should stay in it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Places

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Conversation Intelligence Speech Stupidity

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Fat

Surprise me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Last words