Author: Bob Hope Page 4

Four of us slept in the one bed; when it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold People Self

You can always tell when a man’s well-informed… his views are pretty much like yours.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Intelligence

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Film

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
God Golf Sports

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Film

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Places

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government President

Surprise me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Last words

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

[Dan] Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old