Author: David Feherty

It's like an octopus falling out of a tree.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

They're why the Hubble telescope is pointed away from the earth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

This one'll slide down the hill like a greased piglet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

He has the touch of a gay hairdresser.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

He's hit more balls than Elton John's chin.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

That sounded like he hit a roll of wet toilet paper.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Fortunately he is 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

They look like two lobsters trying to mate.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

They are like hot air dryers in public lavatories. They are a good idea, but take too long.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

That ball is so far left Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

[The ball] came out like a dead mouse from a cornfield.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week… he is attending the birth of his next wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator