Author: David Hyde Pierce

The only things we Crane boys are skilled at catching are sarcastic nuances and the occasional virus.

(1959 – ) American actor

The scariest words of my childhood were: “Your father needs your help in the basement.”

(1959 – ) American actor

Someone certainly has a high opinion of their opinion.

(1959 – ) American actor

They’ve found a way to bring the charm of an airport to a midtown location.

(1959 – ) American actor

I know we’re allowed to see other people – my question is: how much of them are we allowed to see?

(1959 – ) American actor

I really must run. I’m due at my sexual addiction group, and I don’t like to leave them alone for too long.

(1959 – ) American actor

Maris and I rented the video and, I don’t mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night! [pause] And that was no mean feat. Her room, as you know, is across the hall.

(1959 – ) American actor

Whenever you see a man who’s well groomed, you can bet he’s not getting any.

(1959 – ) American actor

Frasier: If a child of four can ride one, (a bicycle), then so can we.

Niles: That’s what you said when we were six.

(1959 – ) American actor

Lawyers make excellent patients; they have excellent health care and they never get better.

(1959 – ) American actor

Frasier: Niles, I would shave my head for you.
Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.

(1959 – ) American actor

Her lips were saying no, but her eyes were saying, “read my lips.”

(1959 – ) American actor

I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.

(1959 – ) American actor

Frasier: I’m having a young lady over on Friday night. I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me.
Niles: Oh, I wish you’d said Saturday.
Frasier: Why? You have plans Friday?
Niles: No, I have plans Saturday.

(1959 – ) American actor

Sounds to me like you’ve hit the crackpot!

(1959 – ) American actor

I really must go. I’m hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.

(1959 – ) American actor

She’s cleared her schedule from 7:00 ‘til 7:30 – that means foreplay and cuddling.

(1959 – ) American actor

It’s worse than the summer we added the breakfast nook to the treehouse.

(1959 – ) American actor

Frasier: Thanks, Niles. You are a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.

Niles: You’re a good brother, too.

(1959 – ) American actor

I would gladly go but I’ve got my compulsive spending seminar and I’m hoping to unload the rest of these raffle tickets.

(1959 – ) American actor