Author: Dorothy Parker Page 2

If you don't knit bring a good book.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Outspoken? By whom?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Where does she find them?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

I went to convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Do me a favor; when you get home, throw your mother a bone.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible, this was terrible with raisins in it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Four be the things I’d been better without;

love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Theodore Dreiser should ought to write nicer.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

An admiring drunk to Parker: I simply can’t bear fools.
Parker: Apparently, your mother did not have the same difficulty.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

A lady… with all the poise of the Sphinx though but little of her mystery.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Tell him I’ve been too f**king busy – or vice versa.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet