Author: Doug Larson

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds; a pessimist fears the same may be true.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there’s a good chance no one’s heard it before.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist