Author: Doug Larson

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.


(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three – and paradise is when you have none.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist













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