Author: Doug Larson

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Life Sports

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Life Old

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty Mistakes Problems

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there’s a good chance no one’s heard it before.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Entertainment

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Hockey Sports

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Intelligence Situations Wisdom

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Government Politicians

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three – and paradise is when you have none.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Life Money Situations

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Education Life

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Fools Intelligence Old Young

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
People

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Democracy Government

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Children Family

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Autos Things

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.


(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Friends People

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Beliefs Entertainment

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats Children Family

There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 a.m… it could be the right number.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Time

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Intelligence Speech Wisdom

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty