Author: Fran Lebowitz

The best fame is a writer’s fame: it’s enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

You’re only has good as your last haircut.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

I am not… totally unreceptive to color providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Bread that is sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

My theory [is] that modern science was largely conceived of as an answer to the servant problem and that it is generally practiced by those who lack a flair for conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract – teach him to deduct.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

There is no such thing as inner peace; there is only nervousness and death.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
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