Author: Fran Lebowitz Page 2

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Life Situations Sleep

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lawyers Life

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Children Family

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

You’re only has good as your last haircut.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Success

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

The opposite of talking isn't listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract – teach him to deduct.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Future Learning

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

If people don’t want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance Clothing

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

There is no such thing as inner peace; there is only nervousness and death.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Death

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games