Author: Gallagher

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Never let your mom comb your hair when she’s mad at your dad!

(1946 – ) American comedian
Situations

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

If you water it and it dies, it’s a plant; if you pull it out and it grows back, it’s a weed.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Things

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Why are there an interstate highway in Hawaii?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Things

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence; they got one marked “brightness” but it don’t work, does it?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Entertainment Television

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Entertainment Television Wordplay

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Why do they call that funny little statue a bust when it stops right before the part of the body that it’s named after?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Art Communication Wordplay

Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Miscellaneous