Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: George Bernard Shaw
Newspapers are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication
Newspapers
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Doctors
Health
Patients
Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Government
Law
Lawyers
Jury duty
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Music
People
Amateurs
Hell
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Government
Patriotism
Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America
People
Places
Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Eating
Food/Drink
Statistics
Survival
Even the youngest of us may be wrong sometimes.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Age
Problems
Young
Wrong
The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England
People
Places
Sports
Time
Cricket
Eternity
A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death
Doctors
Health
Reputation
All my life affection has been showered on me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People
Self
Success
Affection
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People
Situations
Time
Everything
Sooner or later
My way of joking is to tell the truth.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Honesty
Truth
My mother married a very good man… and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Marriage
Homosexuals
His idea of getting hold of the right end of the stick is to snatch it from the hands of somebody who is using it effectively, and to hit him over the head with it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Insults
On Theodore Roosevelt
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Self
Patriotism
In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Reviews/Criticism
Theater
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Life
Music
Situations
Brahms Requiem
Demands
Experiences
Listening
Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death
Martyrdom
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death
Emotions
Happiness
Laughter
Life
Funny
Sadness
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything; that points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Insults
Politics
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