Author: George Burns Page 3

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own Scotch, you bring your own rocks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Milton's act was every bit as good as Jessel's or Cantor's; in fact, it wasn't only just as good, it was the same.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Nobody ever had to steal Georgie's affections – he gave them away at the drop of a skirt.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

He was asked to throw out the first ball at a World Series game; but … he looked at the ball and, instead of throwing it, he put it in his pocket and sat down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

We often think the way Gracie talks, but we pride ourselves that we never talk the way Gracie thinks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I love to sing; I love to drink scotch… most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Acting is all about honesty and if you can fake that, you've got it made.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Jack Benny would end his act by playing a tune on his violin, so naturally he got a big cheer when he finished.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

He was so cheap, for example, that when Mary asked for diamonds for her birthday he bought her two of them… the eight and the queen.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Let me tell you about Jack's singing voice… it made his violin playing sound good.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

He once gave Gracie a coupon for a year’s subscription to a magazine as a gift – and all she had to do was fill it out and send it in with a check.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

For thirty years my act consisted of one joke; and then she died.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Over a fifteen-year period Jack raised almost $6,000,000 for the benefit of classical music; of course, a lot of people claimed that that was his way of paying for the damage he'd caused it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Milton was probably the best at dealing with hecklers, but then he probably had the most practice.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer