Author George Carlin | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: George Carlin Page 5

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Saliva

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

People Disoriented Oriental Spin

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Dance Entertainment Intelligence Music Hearing

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Opinion People

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Communication Language Reading/Writing Things ATMs Braille

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Ideas Things Drawing boards

Whenever you see the word “cuisine” used instead of the word “food,” be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Eating Food/Drink

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Beliefs God Religion Atheism Organization Prophet

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Animals Situations Nights Wolves

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Time Work Selling Smiling

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Food/Drink Garnish wages Parsley

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Girls Places Bad Jolly Live Santa Claus

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

People Deserted areas

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Eulogies Listening

How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Conflict War Wordplay Civility

Never argue with an idiot; they will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Fools Intelligence Idiots

I think I am, therefore I am… I think.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Intelligence Life Existence Philosophy

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Characteristics Conflict Killing People Hostages Multiple personalities

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Health Memory People Alzheimer's disease

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Author: George Carlin Page 5

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Whenever you see the word “cuisine” used instead of the word “food,” be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Never argue with an idiot; they will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I think I am, therefore I am… I think.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.