Author: George Gobel

Peter Marshall: Do most American families have at least one pet?

George Gobel: Yes, and it usually happens during the Johnny Carson show.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were to have a baby, would it be a bionic baby?

George Gobel: Yes, but it would require three doctors, a ground crew and a disposable net.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  According to Shakespeare, what acquaints a man with strange bedfellows?

George Gobel:  The tall dude in the purple hat. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

My uncle was the town drunk… and we lived in Chicago.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Peter Marshall:  According to Dear Abby, how long is the average honeymoon?

George Gobel:  Forty-seven minutes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What was Rudyard Kipling describing when he wrote about a “rag-a-bone” and a “hank-a-hair?”

George Gobel: His unsuccessful attempt to shoot his wife out of a cannon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a Catholic parish in Las Vegas that holds services in a topless discotheque?

George Gobel: Yes, and there's a sign that says "Do not tip or touch the choir."

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When are you considered an old man in Japan?

George Gobel: When you have to get your doctor’s permission to bow.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… massaging the feet helps some people with hot flashes?

George Gobel: So that’s why Rose Marie wears battery-operated shoes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?

George Goebel: I’d probably crawl around him I guess.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations

Peter Marshall: What is the most popular place in America that people want to visit?

George Gobel:  It’s right down the hall, to the right and has a sign on the door.  

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the definition of the word “Gobbledygook?”

George Gobel: That’s the stuff that crusts over in turkeys’ eyes when they’re asleep. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women?

George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service? 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can’t scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Almanac, what do they call it when one person is engaged in kissing, fondling, and caressing with another person?

George Gobel: In show  business, we call it an interview.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Years ago, American Indians tied small pine trees to their feet, and thereby invented what?

George Gobel: Shoe trees.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Golf Sports