Author: George Gobel

Peter Marshall: According to French wine experts, was 1969 a good, or a bad year for wine?

George Gobel: Now this has got to be a trick question because there's never been a bad year for wine.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… massaging the feet helps some people with hot flashes?

George Gobel: So that’s why Rose Marie wears battery-operated shoes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to weather statistics, where is the wettest spot on Earth?

George Gobel: The parking lot at Busch Gardens.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the celebrated Masters & Johnson, there are about four or five thousand places offering sex therapy in America today. Now do they feel that most of them are doing a really good job?

George Gobel: Well, not the ones where you don't have to leave your car.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When are you considered an old man in Japan?

George Gobel: When you have to get your doctor’s permission to bow.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… drinking alcohol reduces the amount of male hormones in your body? 

George Gobel: You can’t scare me!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts at Seventeen magazine, what is the major cause of crows feet?

George Gobel: God made them so crows could dance.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to legend, what one thing was Noah’s wife not willing to do?

George Gobel: Sunbathe amongst the anteaters.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations

Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?

George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Do most American families have at least one pet?

George Gobel: Yes, and it usually happens during the Johnny Carson show.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

I'm the kind of guy who will have nothing all my life and then they'll discover oil while they're digging my grave.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death Life Money Wealth

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a magazine called The Corsets & Underwear Revue?

George Gobel: I was reading that before Playboy came out.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Dear Abby, it’s nature’s signal that something is wrong. What is it?

George Gobel: When your son starts waxing his legs.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  George, does Elizabeth Taylor smoke?

George Gobel:  She has one cigarette after every meal, which amounts to… two packs a day.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?

George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares