Author: George S. Kaufman

Shakespeare is so tiring; you never get a chance to sit down unless you’re a king.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Acting Entertainment

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Money Poverty Self

At a dinner party in Hollywood, an British author was shredding the reputation of a Broadway actress, capping it with, "She's her own worst enemy."
To which Kaufman quietly added, "Not while you're alive."

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
People Situations

I thought I heard one of the original lines of the show.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

[Raymond] Massey won’t be satisfied until he’s assassinated.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

There was laughter at the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Entertainment

Everything I’ve ever said will be credited to Dorothy Parker.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Communication

I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances…. the curtain was up.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

They're not understudies, they're overstudies.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Acting Entertainment

I want something that will keep me awake thinking it was the food I ate and not the show I saw.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

Last Supper and Original Cast Couldn’t Draw In This House.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

I understand your new play is full of single entendres.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Charles Dickens, dead, writes more than [American playwright] Marc Connelly alive.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

You’ve heard of people living in a fool’s paradise? … well, Leonora has a duplex there.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Fools Insults

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Communication Language

Under an assumed name.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Activities

Press agent: How do I get our leading lady's name in your newspaper?
George S. Kaufman: Shoot her.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Entertainment