Author: Gracie Allen

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Communication Speech Time

When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Education School Time

I spent three of the happiest years of my life in the fifth grade.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Education School TV/Movie Quotes

This recipe is certainly silly; it says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Cooking Food/Drink

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Love is a lot like a backache… it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Emotions Love

[on phone] No, the doctor isn’t in just now. Oh, he won’t be back for a long, long time. He went out on one of those eternity cases.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

A sexagenarian? At his age? I think that’s disgusting!

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Misspokements Old Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Gracie : Breakfast will be ready in six minutes.
George Edwards: Six minutes?
Gracie: Yeah, I just put on two three minute eggs.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I'm sorry, boys, I’m all wet.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Death Last words

You speak it the same way you speak English, you just use different words.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Communication Language People Speech

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities Definitions

When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

There's so much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Characteristics People

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Government President Time