Author: Groucho Marx

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Man does not control his own fate; the women in his life do that for him.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I drink to make other people interesting.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Now there's a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

There's a man outside with a big black mustache; tell him I've got one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Does it have a happy ending?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I hope they bury me near a straight man.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Humor is reason gone mad.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you… he really is an idiot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
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