Author: Groucho Marx Page 2

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report… run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Room service? … send up a larger room.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you… he really is an idiot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Go, and never darken my towels again.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships

You’ve got the brain of a four year old boy… and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence

Humor is reason gone mad.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Emotions

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Situations

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter; some day I intend reading it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Reviews/Criticism

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

Oh, why can’t we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean… flee to my lodge in the hills.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Lulubelle, it’s you! I didn’t recognize you standing up.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Divorce Marriage Money

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Self

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Reviews/Criticism

I think TV is very educational; every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Education Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time