Author: Helen Rowland

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil; she wants to see what she is getting.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar… a practice that still continues.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Love: Woman’s eternal spring and man’s eternal fall.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her, when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist