Author: Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Operator – give me the number for 911!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Even communism works… in theory.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)