Author: Homer Simpson

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I want to be alone with my thought.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My dreams have been shattered into shards of a broken dream.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I have a great new motivation technique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm not a bath man myself; more of a cologne man.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)