Author: Homer Simpson

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Operator – give me the number for 911!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Even communism works… in theory.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

God bless those pagans.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)













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