Author: Homer Simpson

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If you really want something in life you have to work for it; now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Trying is the first step towards failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

God bless those pagans.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)













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