Author: Homer Simpson

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'd love to go to church, Honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If you really want something in life you have to work for it; now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

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