Author: Homer Simpson

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Donuts… is there anything they can't do?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Everything looks bad if you remember it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

It’s so simple to be wise… just thing of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Trying is the first step towards failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

God bless those pagans.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)