Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Homer Simpson Page 2
Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Advice
Facts are meaningless; you can use facts to prove anything that’s remotely true!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
Facts
We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget – we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole,
and
the pudding cup.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Intelligence
TV/Movie Quotes
Dolphins
The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Communication
TV/Movie Quotes
I wish God were alive to see this.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
God
TV/Movie Quotes
Even communism works… in theory.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Communism
Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Lies
TV/Movie Quotes
If the
Bible
has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Girls
Sports
TV/Movie Quotes
If The
Flintstones
has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous
TV/Movie Quotes
I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Miscellaneous
Misspokements
TV/Movie Quotes
They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Cigarettes
Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
People
TV/Movie Quotes
Women
I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Life
TV/Movie Quotes
Rut
There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Self
TV/Movie Quotes
Emptiness
God bless those pagans.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
Pagans
Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Children
TV/Movie Quotes
Internet
Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes
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